


Coach

by Bunnywest



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Sex and Circuitry, What Was I Thinking?, finstock is a jackbot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 07:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18048482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunnywest/pseuds/Bunnywest
Summary: Talia’s brows raise in surprise. “Somebody actually wants – that? For a jackbot?”Peter shrugs. “Apparently. I have no doubt it’ll be returned within a few days, though.” His grin turns slightly evil. “Especially since part of our bargain was that I get to tweak the final programming.”Cora’s head whips around at that. “What? Uncle Peter, what did you do?” Her eyes narrow. “It’s meant to be an ordinary guy, please tell me you didn’t turn it into an asshole?”Peter’s grin widens. “Oh no, I stuck to the parameters of our wager. But tell me, Cora. What ordinary guy doesn’t like sports?”





	Coach

**Author's Note:**

> Blame the bad influences on Discord for this. I have no excuse at all.

 

 

Talia pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. “A bet,” she repeats.

Cora nods, shamelessly throwing her uncle under the bus. “Uh huh. Uncle Peter didn’t believe me when I told hm not everyone wants a picture perfect jackbot, and he said I could design one bot to prove my point, and if it sold, he’d fund my trip to Europe. So I designed it, and he approved the plans.”

Peter sits with his legs crossed at the ankles, examining his nails and pointedly ignoring his sister. Talia shoots him a glare. “Halebot is known for _quality bots_ , Peter, not flights of fancy because you were bored. Who the hell is going to buy this?”

She indicates the silent, lifeless bot that she’d had bought to her office. The bot’s …average looking. Brown, untamed hair, utterly ordinary face, and a slight paunch, the likes of which has _never_ graced a Halebot before. She should never have taken that month off, Talia reflects. She leaves Peter in charge, and this is what happens.

Speaking of Peter.

He finally deigns to give her his attention. “You told me you wanted Cora more involved. You said to let her run with her ideas. I was merely following your lead. Besides, we already have a buyer. The CCH is getting collected tomorrow. He’s going out on a fourteen day obligation free trial, on the proviso that the new owner gives us detailed feedback.”

Talia’s brows raise in surprise. “Somebody actually wants – _that?_ For a jackbot?”

Peter shrugs. “Apparently. I have no doubt it’ll be returned within a few days, though.” His grin turns slightly evil. “Especially since part of our bargain was that I got to tweak the final programming.”

Cora’s head whips around at that. “Uncle Peter, what did you do?” Her eyes narrow. “It’s meant to be an ordinary guy. Please tell me you didn’t turn it into an asshole?”

Peter’s grin widens. “Oh no, I stuck to the parameters of our wager. But tell me, Cora. What ordinary guy doesn’t like _sports?_ ”And then he snickers meanly.

Talia takes a deep breath, and feels a moment of pity for whatever poor soul is taking delivery of this thing. But Peter owns half the company, so there’s nothing she can do except release the bot into the wild, so to speak, and see how it fares.

She makes a mental note to offer the unlucky recipient one of their D3r3k models as compensation when this one’s inevitably returned.

 

* * *

 

 

Except, it isn’t. 

Not only is it not returned, but when Talia calls the new owner a few days later, the woman’s positively incandescent in her praise. Talia doesn’t understand it at all. The woman must hear it in her tone, because she suggests that Talia come over and ‘meet’ the bot while he’s activated. She says it’s easier than trying to explain the appeal.

Talia drives over and is greeted by one Sarah Smith. It’s a completely unremarkable name for a completely unremarkable woman. She’s not statuesque, or lithe, or leanly muscled. She doesn’t have killer eyebrows or a perfect profile. She’s just an ordinary, smiling, middle aged woman. There’s grey in her hair,  she’s carrying a few extra pounds, and is dressed in a loose tee and yoga pants. She’s also smiling widely. “Thank you so much for Coach,” is the first thing she says once Talia’s inside. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Talia returns the smile, even as her mind whirls. What? “I’m glad to hear such positive feedback on one of our products.”

Sarah offers her a seat, and then ducks out of the room for a minute. When she comes back, she’s leading the bot by the hand, and Talia has to look twice. Activated, he's vibrant in a way Talia _never_ could have imagined. The CCH is wearing nothing but a towel around its waist, and it has drops of water trickling down its distinctly unsculpted chest muscles. It's hair  is sticking out in about five different directions. “Hey!” the bot greets her, sticking one hand out. "Pleased to meet ya! Call me Coach!” He shakes her hand vigorously, and all Talia can do is shake back. The bot’s eyes are sparkling, and there’s a slightly manic tinge to his grin. “Sorry about the towel, you caught me coming out of the shower. Sarah gave me quite the workout this morning, if you know what I mean!” He lets go on Talia’s hand and leans forwards, and in a stage whisper tells her, ”Isn’t she hot stuff? Can you believe I get to tap that?”

“Uh…” The word falls from Talia’s mouth.

Sarah steps in, sensing her confusion. “Bobby, why don’t you go put some clothes on, and then maybe go power down for a while? You’ll need all your energy later, Cupcake.”

She gives the bot a significant glance, and his face lights up. “Yeah? Again?”

“Hell yes, again. I’m determined to wear you out this time.”

“Ha! Good luck with that!” Coach gives Talia a nod, then heads off to what she assumes is the bedroom, humming an awful tuneless rendition of   _Hit me with your best shot._  The look Sarah gives him as he leaves is nothing short of adoring.

Talia looks after him, confused. He doesn’t fit the Halebot profile, yet his owner seems thrilled. “I don’t think I understand. What is it exactly that makes CCH special?”

“He’s the most enthusiastic lover I’ve ever had,” Sarah states simply. “He doesn’t care that I’m twenty pounds overweight, or that I’m over forty. He makes me feel like I’m special, like he’s the lucky one. And I mean, there’s the fact he’s not picture perfect. It’s easy to be less self conscious about the jiggly bits when your lover jiggles right along with you.”  Talia barely has a moment to digest that when Sarah adds, “Besides, I had a crush on my high school coach like you wouldn’t _believe_. Coach is my dream guy.”

They sit for a long time as Sarah tells Talia exactly what it is that makes Coach special. That’s he’s funny, and off beat, and that sometimes he’ll serenade her with awful eighties pop songs, and other times he'll hold her against the wall and pound into her, while reciting the speech from Independence Day for some reason. She’s clearly besotted, and thanks Talia over and over for designing a bot that’s not as intimidatingly perfect as some of the other models around, tells her it’s groundbreaking stuff. When Talia finally leaves and gets back to her office, she stares at the wall for a long time, contemplating how she could have been so blind as to miss this gap in the market.

Peter’s going to be _furious._

Finally, she calls Peter and Cora back into her office. She indicates that they should be seated, and stares at them over steepled fingers. “Enjoy Europe, Cora. The bot’s a success,” she tells them bluntly. “Despite Peter programming it to act like a high school football coach. Or maybe because of that.”

Peter’s mouth drops open. “ _You’re fucking kidding me!_ ” he growls, while Cora laughs delightedly.

The corners of Talia’s mouth twitch up in a grin as she shakes her head. “I’m serious.” She picks up the notes she made during the visit and starts reading. “The CCH gets incredibly excited that, and I quote, _‘A fine piece of ass like her wants to get it on with a shlub like me.’_ Sarah loves his enthusiasm, and his stamina. She also appreciates it when he tells her ‘ _Baby, those are some gold medal tatas you’ve got going on there.’_ She thinks it's cute that he likes to hum _Eye of the Tiger_ before he goes down on her.”

Cora starts snickering, and Peter’s gone slightly pale. “Fuck,” he mutters. “That’s not how it was supposed to go.”

Talia keeps talking. “The bot, who she’s calling Coach, will pick her up when she walks in the door from work, and ask how his Star Player is. He’ll then kiss her while he carries her to the bedroom, undressing her as he goes and telling her she’s gorgeous.  If Ms Smith tells him she wants to take him to bed, which she assures me most days she does, the bot will let out a whoop and shout _SCORE!_   Then he'll finish stripping her down and do whatever she tells it to.  She also loves the fact that every time he makes her come, Coach will high five her and tell her she's a champ. He apparently has a propensity to slap her ass once they’re done, and tell her, “Good game! Now hit the showers!”  

At that Cora lets out a high pitched, almost hysterical giggle.

“Oh don’t worry,” Talia reassures her. “She likes that part. The only thing she’d like altered is that it currently hits her a little more firmly than she’d like. She says if we can dial the force to something more suited to a long, steady spanking and program that in, she’ll be thrilled.”

“Slight tweak to the programming, easily done,” Peter mutters, before he catches himself. “She really likes it? Why in the hell?” he asks, and Talia knows it’s a rhetorical question, but she answers anyway.

“Because he worships her, Peter. Tells her she’s desirable and beautiful, and seems be completely happy to ignore the fact that he’s a bot made for her pleasure. He acts like he’s the luckiest guy alive. She gets to be the goddess in that relationship. Who wouldn’t want that?”

Peter gets a pinched look on his face. Talia knows it’s just adding fuel to the fire, but she adds, “By the way, Ms Smith may have raved about him to all her friends. Extensively. She’s done such a good job recommending him that we have orders for another six.”

Cora’s grinning madly. “Six? Does that mean we’re adding it to the catalog as a regular option?”

Talia sighs. It goes against everything in her to have something so pedestrian looking listed among their other, more attractive products, but Coach fills a gap in the market, money talks, and six bots is an unprecedented amount – they normally only handle four or five orders a month. “We’ll list it.”

Peter snarls. Talia knows he’ll be unbearable for at least a week, maybe more.

Because she loves to see her brother suffer, she casually comments, “You really outdid yourself with that programming, Peter. There are women all over the country who had crushes on their gym teachers, and for them, Coach is a dream come true _._ ” She pauses just for a beat before adding, “Actually, I’m ordering one of my own.”

When Peter leaves, he slams the door so hard the windows rattle.  Cora snorts, only to pale when she realizes Talia's not kidding.

What? Talia’s been single for a long time, and she’s always been partial to sports.

And she _likes_ Eye of the Tiger, so sue her.

 

 


End file.
